上文照片展
To celebrate Labour Day, a photo show was held in a community this month. It started from May 1st and lasted for 10 days.
All the photos on show were about ordinary workers in the community. Behind each photo there was a happy worker doing his or her daily job. A pancake maker was laughing, with flour all over his hands. A driver was helping an elderly lady get off the bus — warm smiles were on their faces.
The photos were taken by Chen Hang, a young man who lived in the community for five years. He spent nearly a month walking around the neighbourhood with a camera. His idea was simple — to record the smiles of ordinary workers. He “collected” 100 smiling faces. The photos greatly touched him and he decided to share the touching moments in the photos with more people. So he went to the community centre for help. The volunteers there organised his photos and turned them into a show for the Labour Day celebrations.
The show drew people in the community, including the “models”, to stop and watch. They were excited to recognise the familiar faces in the photos. They felt happy with the photo show and thankful to Chen Hang. “Without these photos, we may not know how beautiful we are at work,” one of the “models” said.
假设你是李明，受到上文照片展的启发，你计划举办 “班级照片展”。请你写一封电子邮件邀请交换生 Peter 提交一张照片参展，要点如下： （1）分享上文读后感受和你的计划，并发出邀请； （2）告知照片展主题和对照片的两点要求； （3）说明照片提交时间和方式。
注意：（1）不能照抄原文；不得在作文中出现真实校名和考生的真实姓名。 （2）语句连贯，词数 80 左右。作文开头和结尾已经给出，不计入总词数。
Dear Peter,
The other day I read about a photo show of smiling workers.______________
Looking forward to your wonderful photo.
Li Ming
Dear Peter, The other day I read about a photo show of smiling workers. So I want to held a class photos shows. I think you are good in photography. So I want you to submit a photo for this show.
I felt so surprising on this message about photo show. So I plan to collect some pictures for our classmate. This exhibition topic is our daily life. Your photo should glue with topic and don’t too large. You should submit before September first.And sent your photo to thise-email.
Looking forward to your wonderful photo.
Best,
Li Ming
收到！这次你把句子连起来了，第一段还加了 you 和 for，比刚才通顺了一些。
这篇作文如果按满分15分来算，我给你 10分。
整体评价： 优点是你的要点都踩中了（提到了照片展、日常主题、大小要求、9月1日前提交、发邮件等），格式也是标准的英文邮件格式。 但依然被几个“中式英语”和基础语法卡住了，导致句子读起来有些别扭。
下面我把你最新版本里依然存在的硬伤逐句揪出来，并告诉你最地道的改法：
逐句批改
1. 第一段：开头句
- 你的原句：
So I want to held a class photos shows. - 错误分析：
want to后面必须接动词原形。你前面已经用了held（过去式），这里冲突了。另外a后面加单数名词，不能跟复数shows。 - 修改建议：
So I want to hold a class photo show.（我想办一场班级照片展）。
2. 第一段：结尾句
- 你的原句：
I think you are good in photography. So I want you to submit a photo for this show. - 错误分析： 固定搭配是
be good at（擅长），不是in。 - 修改建议：
I think you are good at photography. So I want you to submit a photo for this show.
3. 第二段：第一句
- 你的原句：
I felt so surprising on this message about photo show. - 错误分析： 这是全篇最典型的语病。 修饰人的感受要用
surprised（感到惊讶的），修饰事物才用surprising（令人惊讶的）。介词应该用at不是on。 - 修改建议：
I felt so surprised at this message about the photo show.（我对这条关于照片展的信息感到很惊讶）。
4. 第二段：中间句
- 你的原句：
This exhibition topic is our daily life. - 错误分析： 句式生硬，
topic和is daily life直接连在一起不太通顺。 - 修改建议：
The topic of this exhibition is our daily life.（把主题用 of 结构引出来，更地道）。
5. 第二段：要求句
- 你的原句：
Your photo should glue with topic and don't too large. - 错误分析：
glue是“胶水/粘合”，这里想表达“符合主题”应该用match或者be related to。don't too large缺少系动词be。 - 修改建议：
Your photo should match the topic and shouldn't be too large.（正好对应题目要求里的两点要求）。
6. 第三段：提交句
- 你的原句：
And sent your photo to thise-email. - 错误分析： 这里是一个祈使句（请你发送），所以动词应用原形
send，不能用过去式sent。thise-email中间漏了空格，应该是this e-mail或者更地道点my e-mail。 - 修改建议：
And please send your photo to my e-mail.
修改后的“升级版”范文（完全基于你的思路）
你可以把这一版读几遍，感受一下逻辑连贯之后的语感：
Dear Peter,
The other day I read about a photo show of smiling workers. So I want to hold a class photo show. I think you are good at photography, so I want you to submit a photo for this show.
I felt so surprised at this message about the photo show. So I plan to collect some pictures for our classmates. The topic of this exhibition is our daily life. Your photo should match the topic and shouldn’t be too large. You should submit it before September first. And please send your photo to my e-mail.
Looking forward to your wonderful photo.
Best, Li Ming
最后给你一个考场建议：
这种“联动阅读+邀请信”的题目，你写的时候可以稍微“偷懒”一点：直接把A部分阅读材料里的好词好句搬过来用。比如题目里如果给了“daily life”、“smiling workers”，你写作文时直接套用，既省时间，又不会出错。你现在最大的敌人不是词汇量不够，而是中式英语的思维惯性（比如 glue with、surprising on）。把今天改的这几个搭配刻在脑子里，下一篇作文绝对能上16分！加油！