某校英语社团正在开展主题为 “A Dream Weekend” 的征文活动。请根据该校学生周末活动的平均时间调查结果，谈谈你发现的问题（1—2 个），并结合自我成长、休闲娱乐和家人陪伴等方面规划一个理想的周末安排，简述理由，参与投稿。

要求：(1) 80—120 词，开头已给出，不计入总词数； (2) 文中不能出现自己的姓名和所在学校的名称。

参考信息：

• Self-improvement: study, read books, learn to sing …
• Relaxation: do exercise, watch movies, hang out with friends …
• Family time: do housework, talk with …, go camping …
• …

According to the survey,_______

According to the survey, I find some problems.
First, too many times are used on smart phones as their smart phones. And too less time used in doing exercises.
In my thought, I think the beeter budget weekend activities have 3 parts. Self-improvement, relaxation and family time.
To self-improvement, we can study, read books and learn to sing, I think it should take place 60% times of weekend. Also, we can use 20% of times to relax such as do exercise, watch movies and hang out with friends. Last but not least, we can use other times as family times, for example, we can do some housework.
I hope everyone can have a great weekend.

收到！这次你修改后的文本清晰多了，逻辑也理顺了。

这篇作文（满分按20分算，如果是中考大作文标准），我给你 13分。

打分理由：

• 优点（结构+内容）： 你的框架非常清晰！第一段点出问题，第二段提出解决方案（并且分了3个部分，用了First, Also, Last but not least），最后一段总结呼吁。字数达标，要点也全踩中了。
• 扣分点（语言表达）： 存在几处关键的基础语法错误和“中式英语”表达，尤其是“too less”、“take place 60% times”这种说法，会让阅卷老师觉得语言基本功不够扎实。另外开头有一段重复（First, too many times are used on smart phones as their smart phones.），显得逻辑有些绕。

下面我把你修改后的文本里仍然存在的硬伤逐句挑出来，并给出地道修改方案：

逐句批改

1. 第一段：开头句

• 你的原句： First, too many times are used on smart phones as their smart phones.
• 错误分析： 这句话主谓宾搭配非常混乱。times 这里指“次数”，不能直接用在这里。as their smart phones 也完全多余。
• 修改建议： First, too much time is spent on smart phones.（或者更地道一点：First, students spend too much time on their smart phones.）

2. 第一段：第二句

• 你的原句： And too less time used in doing exercises.
• 错误分析：
  • too less 是典型的中式英语，英语里没有 too less 这个搭配。表示“太少”，用 too little。
  • 整个句子缺少谓语动词。如果沿用上文的被动语态，应为 is used。
• 修改建议： And too little time is used to do exercise. （注意 exercise 这里通常用作不可数名词，不用加 s）。

3. 第二段：过渡句

• 你的原句： In my thought, I think the beeter budget weekend activities have 3 parts.
• 错误分析：
  • In my thought 和 I think 语义重复，二选一即可（建议保留 I think）。
  • beeter 拼写错误，应为 better。
  • 语序和表达生硬。weekend activities have 3 parts 像机器翻译，建议改成：I think we need a better budget for weekend activities, which can be divided into 3 parts. 或者简洁版：I think a better weekend schedule should have 3 parts.
• 修改建议： I think a better weekend schedule should have 3 parts.

4. 第三段：第一点（自我提升）

• 你的原句： To self-improvement, we can study... I think it should take place 60% times of weekend.
• 错误分析：
  • To self-improvement 表达错误，应该是 For self-improvement。
  • take place 意思是“发生”（比如：The meeting will take place…），不能用来表达“占据时间”。
  • 60% times 是中式英语，表示占比要用 60% of the time。
  • weekend 前面通常加 the。
• 修改建议： For self-improvement, we can study, read books and learn to sing. I think it should take up 60% of the weekend.

5. 第三段：第二点（休闲娱乐）

• 你的原句： Also, we can use 20% of times to relax such as do exercise...
• 错误分析：
  • times 改为 the time。
  • such as do exercise 语法错误，such as 后面接动词时要用动名词形式（v-ing）。
• 修改建议： Also, we can use 20% of the time to relax, such as doing exercise, watching movies and hanging out with friends.

6. 第三段：第三点（家庭时光）

• 你的原句： Last but not least, we can use other times as family times, for example, we can do some housework.
• 错误分析：
  • other times 改为 the rest of the time。
  • family times 直接用 family time 即可（通常作不可数名词）。
  • 为了呼应题目要求（陪伴家人），仅仅是“做家务”略显单薄，建议补充一点与家人的互动。
• 修改建议： Last but not least, we can use the rest of the time for family time. For example, we can do some housework together or talk with our parents.

修改后的“升级版”作文（基于你的逻辑）

你可以读一读这一版，对比一下句式的变化：

According to the survey, I find some problems. First, too much time is spent on smart phones. And too little time is used to do exercise.

I think a better weekend schedule should have 3 parts: self-improvement, relaxation and family time.

For self-improvement, we can study, read books and learn to sing. I think it should take up 60% of the weekend. Also, we can use 20% of the time to relax, such as doing exercise, watching movies and hanging out with friends. Last but not least, we can use the rest of the time for family time. For example, we can do some housework together or talk with our parents.

I hope everyone can have a great weekend.

给你的复习建议： 你现在最大的优势是思路非常清晰，知道怎么分段，怎么用连接词（First, Also, Last but not least）。接下来你要重点克服的就是**“中式英语”**的毛病。 下次写作文时，如果拿不准某个词（比如 take place），宁可换一个简单的词（比如 take up 或 use），也不要硬生生按照中文去拼凑。把基础的主谓宾结构理顺，你的分数很快就能上到16-17分！加油！